A little death around the eyes

And only one remains that I can love,
new promises I must seek in a foriegn environment,
The girl-boy of past nightmares now the shining light,
My feelings true, my heart is warm.

Stabbed in the back for not caring enough,
about the ones who showed me no time,
No feeling, no care, sinister in short,
Like a bullied child, I fall.

From across the room she looks content,
yet inside she aches,
Confusion and frustration takes hold,
She realises she is, infact, alone.

My heart in my mouth as confess my sins,
To an alcoholic with more problems than advice,
Stumbling and collapsing at the roadside,
I am but another statistic.

The trusted people of months gone by,
Gone, Im utterly alone.
Yet one remains,
One stays true,
Untouchable.

Halloween nightmares verge on the surreal,
Halloween daydreams of death and remorse,
My brittle bones, my torn up skin,
I am a zombie, set on my demonic course.

Chewed up victims, weary fools,
No longer moving, they lay, alone.
Blood thirsty, ravenous, my mouth foams,
Violence and sufferings set the tone.

Ghost and ghouls haunt my tired eyes,
I see things non-existent, I hear things not real,
Loud noises from my room, chaos and despair,
I cant understand what I’m unable to feel.

Halloween night, Im dressed as myself,
Worse than any monster, scarier than any sinister tale,
The world is collapsing, economy in turmoil,
My surroundings a nightmare on a sickening scale.

Im no more certain than alive,
Today I lost my purpose,
today I lost myself,
Death at the side of the one I love.

Smiles all round as my insides crack,
My life now bleak by my mothers side,
Depressed family, one more added.
I lay in bed, alone.

The microphone in my hand, i had nothing to say.
Of life and lust and futures untold,
Nothing came out except my lost jumper,
Another day goes by that I have not lived.

The poor zombie rots in his room,
Too depressed to leave, too afraid to stay.
Yet the shy grin remains,
My mother needs me to live.

We can't multitask, we can't compete,
Men not needed, our lives unsure,
Uncertainty a lie on the ones we meet,
Hedonism, our only cure.

Squeal of vermin, fickle fiends,
Sucking the life out of my pale neck,
I lost my faith in womanhood,
I lost my faith.

Tremulous heart is put to the test,
Mother gone bald, yet I remain,
A lump on her tainted chest,
Somehow I stay the same.

Last night I crawled into a hole,
My brain without vigor, too much thought,
Lack of sleep, lack of soul,
Depression, like a beast I fought,
Alone.

Wasted talent on polluted shores,
My world is grey, no other colours exist,
Boys turn to crime, girls to whores
Windows shattered by my bloody fist.

My child is not mine because he cries so much,
Take it like a man you cowardly fool.
His skin so cold to touch,
His tears but a tool.

The summer months pass with dark skies,
Rain falls everyday, the same,
The sun comes, hiding the lies,
The weather seems like an elaborate game.

Wasted life, every knows,
While the young rot in schools, time is wasted,
Love is made but my hatred grows,
Lover on the lip, pain tasted.

Junky lad writes poems for fun,
No wit or talent ever shown,
Success made by stealings won.
Scummy vermin lower the tone.

Daddys gone forever and more,
Daddy, a man so easily led,
He promised himself just one more score,
Now he’s pulling doors, his soul, dead.

Once more my life is free,
Once more I am at peace,
The cool summer breeze
And the swaying nettles,
Once more I am alive.

Blue boy green, quick as a flash,
Green boy blue faster than that,
All on his own, he is happy at last,
Spending days and weeks at a computer screen,
Spending eternity alone.

The bells and roses show off the colour,
The colour of people for all to see,
The colour of people longing to be free,
None of this bothers in my bedroom,
Me is all I ever care.

Out of work, the old man weeps,
50 and more, his life is done,
Early retirement awaits for this poor sod,
Golf and hill walks take over,
Blue the only colour known.

The young and tired sleep all day,
Sleep through life, miss the fun filled days,
Drugs take importance, sleep is key,
Spliff me up, wind me down,
Life was made for these fools.

I’m awake in these fresh aired days,
Awake for life to pass me down,
Drugs will soon take over for me too,
Sleep all day, wasted all night,
This is the life I choose, hiding from the world.

Every single thing you said to me,
Leaves me wanting more,
I want nothing less than to agree,
All I need is my score

Fickle boys through and through,
Money no less than they deserve,
Beaten and bullied, their hatred grew,
Feelings and secrets, they must conserve.

Rent boys I envy, the rich I pity,
Life is wasted on men who smoke,
Old bore against young so witty,
This fight is clearly a joke.

Feelings enrichen my life all the same,
Hatred brings the best, hope the worst,
Mistakes cause me to change my name,
Everything about me is cursed.

Gay guy struts down the street,
My eyes wander to his path,
I see the way he swaggers and glides, so fast,
I wonder who will feel his rath.

Rain falls across my land,
Litres and litres cover my eyes,
Blinded from the water, I stumble,
Crashing and falling to the floor,

I wake up in a daze,
Nothing around but parasites,
I must be dreaming, its a mistake,
I scream out, pulling at my hair,

False feelings and friends hide the truth,
Nothing alive causes me joy,
I walk up and down the beaten track,
Some day I will be gone.

Boys beat boys, like the same,
Girls beat boys like men,
They all hurt and they all fear,
Everyone the same in the grave.

Days compare so diverse,
I want to leave start again,
Forever my friend, I need more time,
Passion the only feeling left.

I write and write my thoughts bare.
The bright screen conveys my life,
I find it sad, what i have become,
Like a lone traveller, fleeing from the mess.

Some day I will change, some day soon,
I will leave this island the same,
Noone will talk or even care,
My life on this page laid bare.

Things go so well and then you stumble,
You fall and break, others laugh,
Eating their cheers, you grow bigger,
Stronger, faster, smarter,
Your motivation massive, your heart pounds,
You feel the need to fight, the need to stand up,
But what can you do, so helpless!,
All on your own, nothing surrounds,
But the others and fear,
You stay down, don't even try!
All is yours, but wanted no more,
You lay there and die.

Let the eyes flutter,
Show them your stuff,
Not another word they will mutter,
For they have had enough.

The boys slip away pride less,
Faith in womanhood, no more,
Their lifes have turned a mess,
All down to the world famous whore.

Glorified tales and tragedies the same,
Life is dull, romance dead,
Love little more than a game,
Marriage something I’ve come to dread.

Jack strikes at night,
Takes the weakest and the poor,
He shines the never-ending light,
Always left wanting more.

Bums raid the empty streets,
Poor boys can never leave,
Ugly types, nothing more than cheats,
What can they achieve?